Society’s Expectations : The Silent Pressure That Shapes (And Breaks) Lives
There are enormous subliminal pressures flowing throughout society, whereby it is assumed that everyone should follow a rather generic set of ‘rules’ to be happy and successful. Get a university education, obtain a good steady, secure job, get engaged, buy a house (with the white picket fence) and pay a mortgage, get married, have children and then eventually retire, to finally put your feet up and enjoy the fruits of all that lifetime of discipline and hard work.
This invisible script is not written down. But it is everywhere – classrooms, workplaces, family conversations, advertising and social media feeds.
Welcome to the weight of society’s expectations.
The Cost of Stepping Outside The Script
What society rarely admits is how unforgiving it can be toward those who choose a different path. Detour from any combination of the above, and you risk being labelled as difficult, lazy, unrealistic, or irresponsible. Forge your own route, and you may find yourself isolated, ridiculed, or subtly excluded. The pressure to conform is not always loud. Often, it is quiet and relentless. This pressure intensifies when individuality is mistaken for failure. In a world that celebrates “be yourself” slogans, the reality is far less tolerant. Individuality is applauded only when it fits within acceptable boundaries. True divergence still makes people uncomfortable.
When Society’s Expectations Become Deadly
The most confronting illustration of this pressure came recently with the tragic suicide of a young New Zealand sporting star. In her final social media post, she articulated something many people feel but rarely say out loud :
“The feeling when you win is unlike any other, but the feeling when you lose, when you don’t get selected even when you qualify, when you are injured, when you don’t meet society’s expectations such as owning a house, marriage, kids. All because you are trying to give everything to your sport is also unlike any other.”
Pause and read that again.
This was not just the voice of an athlete dealing with professional disappointment. It was the voice of a young woman who felt rejected twice—once by her sport, and again by society itself. Her sacrifices, her commitment, and her devotion to excellence placed her outside the neat boxes society expects people to tick.
The media understandably focused on pressure within elite sport. What went largely unexamined was the second weight she described so clearly – The crushing pressure of society’s expectations.
That silence speaks volumes.
This Pressure Is Not Reserved For The Exceptional
You do not need to be a professional athlete, a celebrity, or a high-profile entrepreneur to feel this pressure. It exists in ordinary lives, playing out quietly in comparison, self-doubt, and shame.
Modern society has created a strange paradox. We are told we have more freedom than ever, yet deviation feels more dangerous than at any point in history. This is not accidental.
Social Media And The Amplification Of Unreal Standards
Technology has poured fuel on an already dangerous fire.
Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and Facebook create a constant visual narrative of perfection. Perfect bodies. Perfect relationships. Perfect lifestyles. Perfect success stories – Often edited, filtered, staged, or entirely fabricated.
A UK study highlighted just how damaging this environment has become, finding that around 90% of young women reported using image-editing tools or filters to alter their appearance before posting online. This reflects not vanity, but fear – Fear of scrutiny, rejection, and not measuring up. The BBC has reported extensively on the impact of social media on body image and mental health, particularly among young people :
Read the article here
In this environment, comparison can become unavoidable and relentless. Everyone else appears to be Living The Dream. You, by contrast, feel perpetually behind.
The Illusion Of The ‘Perfect Life’
The internet is riddled with imposters selling the illusion of having perfect careers, instant wealth, and effortless and endless happiness. They promise how they can make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
If it sounds too good to be true … then it probably is.
What is rarely shown is the anxiety, debt, loneliness, or insecurity behind the image. Society’s expectations reward appearances, not honesty. And social media gives those appearances unlimited global reach.
This is where the danger lies. When enough people perform success convincingly, those who are struggling assume the problem must be them.
The NoRuleBook Perspective on Society’s Expectations
NoRuleBook does not deny the need for structure or responsibility. But it rejects the idea that one rigid life path fits everyone.
Society’s expectations are not laws of nature. They are cultural defaults – Designed for order, not fulfilment.
- You should be allowed to question them.
- You should be allowed to reorder them.
- You should be allowed to reject them entirely.
Your life does not need to mirror anyone else’s timeline. Meaning does not arrive on schedule, and happiness does not follow a checklist.
These ideas – about choosing autonomy over conformity, and designing life on your own terms are explored further in the NoRuleBook eBook, available to purchase here
Lessons We All Can Learn
Society’s expectations are powerful precisely because they are unspoken. Calling them out for what they are is the first step toward loosening the grip they have.
The second step is realizing that comparison is not evidence. Social media shows highlights, not lives. Judging yourself against curated illusions is a losing game.
The third lesson we can gain is that deviation is not failure. Choosing a different path does not mean you are behind. It means you are intentional.
Finally, your life is not a group project. When you are writing the story of your life, do not let anyone else hold the pen.
Because the most dangerous expectation of all is the belief that your life must look like everyone else’s to matter. And it never has to. Life does not come with a rule book.
